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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

When to Unfriend

Life: On Purpose

I've been thinking alot about living my life on purpose...especially since I began being more involved with self-improvement; listening to podcasts, following and commenting on blogs (Chris LoCurto's being foremost in my education).  I've come back again and again to the fact that I am where I am because I have let life happen to me, instead of living my life on purpose! 

So, as part of my effort to live life: on purpose.  I will periodically be providing posts about how I do just that. 

When to Unfriend

I had an experience today that was probably several months, perhaps years in the making.  I have a friend...kinda.  And I am not worried about sharing this experience, because he's the type of friend that will not read my blog anyway. 

I have a "friend" that I served around on my mission.  He's a nice enough guy, we had some stuff in common and so when we both got home we became "friends" on facebook. 

Over the years we have chatted a few times, and even met up for lunch a couple times.  But more and more his charming self has shown through...

What I mean by that is, no matter what I post on facebook, he contradicts it.  If I say something about my iPhone screwing up he comments "dont buy and iPhone". If I share a quote I really like he disagrees with it.  It got to the point that I dont even want to read the comments he leaves because I know they'll be sarcastic, condescending, and contrary. 

The Straw....

Today came the proverbial straw... I shared a quote I liked, his response: "false".  I decided that I'd had enough, and I Unfriended him. 


Now why would I do that?  Why would I unfriend someone over what could possibly be just funny comments made?  Why would I do the 21st century of avoiding someone in the store?

It's very simple, here's why.

I value myself.  I value my family.  I value my future. 

You are who you associate with.  Those that you spend the most time with will determine where you will end up. 

I have far too much to accomplish in my life to spend my time around "friends" that have nothing better to do than tear me down and argue with me. 

There are times when you are living your life: on purpose. that you will have to decide between your goals and dreams and so called friends. 

Here are 4 Reasons why you should Unfriend those that are not encouraging and uplifting you.

1.  Your Thoughts are Precious

Any time you are subjected to negative words, ideas, etc. they enter into your mind.  The more you can limit this type of influence in your life, the better off you will be.  You will have less doubts, less worries, and you'll be more positive.

2.  You Need Encouragement

All of us need to be encouraged.  Surrounding yourself with people who will encourage you in your projects, dreams, and goals is absolutely essential if you going to achieve anything.  There will be plenty of people that will tell you why something can't be done, or why you can't do it, dont allow more of these people access to your mind than absolutely necessary.

3.  Your Mood affects Productivity

If you have someone pulling you down, you're likely to get defensive, upset, depressed, worried, etc.  These types of moods will greatly reduce your ability to be productive.  What is it that Shakespeare said? Something along the lines of a man with a toothache cannot be in love?  In other words, if something is preoccupying your mind you can't concentrate on anything else.

4. They Aren't Your Friends

Someone who doesn't encourage you, doesn't uplift you, is not your friend, no matter what Facebook says... A friend encourages, a friend helps, a friend is excited for your dreams and wants you to succeed.  Why spend your time with those who do not do that?  You're wasting your time if you think that they'll provide you anything but frustration and the voice of  "you can't". 

 I'm not saying just cut people out of your life, but I am saying choose your friends on purpose. There are too many ways to connect with positive, supportive friends and colleagues in this day and age to spend time around negative people that want nothing more than to drag you down--and keep you down at their level.

Question: Do you have people like this "friend" of mine in your life? What do you do to minimize negative influences around you?

If you find value in these posts please tweet, share, email them to every single person you know, even that friend from third grade that you haven't talked to in at least a decade!

Twitter: @Skropp2


  1. Nice post Mark. You've gotta audit your influencers from time to time. And when you're going through a season of challenge (Hello! That's me) who you are allowing into your mind and heart, their voices and thoughts, are what could literally change your story for better or worse.

    I haven't had to unfriend anyone yet, but I am working to be intentional about what I read, what I think about, and who I connect with.

    1. Great points Aaron! I'm learning that if you are intentional about who you allow to influence you in the first place, you won't need to Unfriend anyone! Those people won't get near to you in the first place.
      Life: On Purpose! Such a better way to live!!

  2. It is true that you become like the people with whom you spend your time. And there are energy vampires that will be negative no matter what. I've unfriended a couple people because my time is precious and I can't waste it reading garbage from them on social media sites. I do have to say that most of my online friends rock, they inspire me and lift my spirits in a great way. Great post!

    1. It's the same for me Lily, most of my friends are great...but there are a couple that just didn't seem content unless they were dragging me down--sorry, no longer an option in my life! It's such a great feeling when your actively taking control of your life! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read my musings :)

  3. I've unsubscribed from more than a few but have only unfriended a few belligerent oafs. I may have to rethink that now.

    1. I really dont think you've gotta unfriend most people, but you certainly need to be very selective on whom you allow to influence you! I think one of the greatest obstacles to greatness is probably "good enough". I'm working real hard to surround myself with those people, information and ideas that push me to be more than I think I can be. Only then will I become what I hope to be!